You know those people you follow for years on social media? The ones who inspire you to make actual changes to your everyday habits? The ones you will probably never actually speak to unless you decide to be thoroughly audacious? Yeah. One of those in my life was Ashley Kaltwasser, GOAT of the Bikini Division and fitness guru extraordinaire. For years I learned a tremendous amount from her podcast and the intention of becoming a fitness competitor simmered on the back burner of my life goals.

And then one day I became audacious. It was over dinner one night with a friend who had no business looking as handsome as he did for someone it was impossible for me to seriously date, and I’ve always had a weakness for a handsome face. He suggested gently that I could uplevel from my current workout routine, and hinted at another training studio nearby. I had felt for a while I could stand some improvement over the regimen to which I’d subscribed for the last two years, but I knew the nearby gym wasn’t going to cut it. I was finally free from a nasty marriage that had crushed all my dreams and aspirations for twenty two years, and I had been knocking out bucket list items faster than I had ever imagined. I knew that if I were to upgrade, there was only one upgrade I wanted. I wanted Team Elite Physique.

Everybody knows that women have impossible beauty standards thrown at them and I had spent much of my life stressing over whether I should eat this or that, or if I looked good enough, or if these foods were better than those foods, and oh my gosh I hate my thighs. Even under the auspices of a fantastic trainer those incessant thoughts stalked me, because he was training me for a physique he liked and felt was appropriate, not the one I was pining to bring to the eventual fit model stage in Shoe Fairy heels. I couldn’t be totally at ease with his direction because it wasn’t quite where I wanted to go.

When you lock in with a coach who embodies what you want, who works with knock out beautiful ladies, and can navigate the system with her eyes closed, it does something to your mind. All the doubts disappear. The feelings of “I hate my waistline” turned into “I know for sure I’m on the right track.” The concerns about “Should I eat this?” turned overnight into knowing exactly what to put in my body. The feeling of “I’m not chiseled enough, curvy enough, attractive enough” gave way to “I’m not where I want to be just yet but I am on a direct course there.” And all the shrieking harpies that keep your mind in a state of worry and self doubt evaporated.

That release from mental stress would have been tremendous on its own – can you imagine how amazing life would be without body shaming yourself every time you taste chocolate? But it led to other things as well. Mr. Painfully Handsome But Not Available As a Boyfriend got together with my bestie and they took me out to a decadent Italian dinner the night before I took my plunge into the world of counting every gram of yogurt, but not everyone was so supportive. I have received a lot of “You aren’t fun anymore!” “I want to take you out on a date but…I have no idea what to do other than going out for pizza, so I just give up” and other things. And you know what? Someone whose whole idea of fun having to center around breadsticks and ice cream probably isn’t all that fun. And having that peace of mind allows you to laugh off those comments and get back to the training that is taking you where you ultimately want to go.

Since I started with Team Elite Physique, I have been attending charity galas, hanging out with local members of the press, co planning a gala funded by Porsche, going on a luxury cruise to Greece and Turkey, attending west coast swing congresses, taking to the stage as a vocalist in a standing room only sold out performance, meeting some fabulous internationally renown performers on the strip in Las Vegas, building a four million dollar house for a client (I’m a general contractor), basking in resorts in Phoenix, training with an exclusive all women bachata performance ensemble, sprawling on the beach in San Diego, and I have a waltz competition at the end of August. Yup. I’m absolutely no fun anymore.

My point is this. It’s not just a plug to work with Ashley although I would recommend it to anyone, but the larger purpose is to recognize the value in investing in yourself. Investing in someone who aligns with your vision and then trusting the process. Listen to what your heart is telling you and trust that it will lead you right. Training for competitions may not be for everyone, but all of us have room to improve, and many of us have huge goals we don’t dare look at that deep down we’d like to crush. Sometimes it helps to work closely with someone who has been there, someone who shares the same view, someone who can help you navigate. Because when that mental stress, the self doubt, the uncertainty disappears, your mind is suddenly clearer and able to tackle other goals and laugh off the naysayers. And you can’t put a price on that.