I I was inadvertently shamed into exercise by my sister and cousins. One evening I found myself in the hot tub with my older sister who had just come down from a bikini competition and a slew of my cousins, all of whom were undeniably jacked. And I was what they call skinny fat. They were kind and welcoming but I found myself horrified and proceeded to take a silent “Never Again’ vow. From that point on I was a beast in the gym. It helped not only my body but my mind in countless ways, and opened my eyes to things I would never have realized otherwise. Today I’ll limit myself to ten.

1. Enjoy the moment. You will come across many a friend in the gym, from that cute spin instructor to the super fun hip hop teacher to the trainer that becomes like a sister and the other painfully gorgeous trainer who you definitely don’t see as a brother! You can’t do everything all the time, but you can cultivate friendships and keep a warm feeling for so many people and experiences in your heart for the rest of your life. Each person you learn from leaves a beautiful impression on you, even that one problematic male yoga teacher who flirted with every girl in class. Each trainer, teacher, instructor gives you the gift of their expertise, and while they may come and go from your life, you can take what they taught and build with it.
2. Never rest on your laurels. Your body will change based on how you treat it, what you feed it, and the care you devote to it. When you become lackadaisical the gains begin to disappear. Even if you were in peak condition six months ago, that can deteriorate fairly quickly if not maintained. And that is true not only of your body, but of life generally. The relationships we fail to nurture will wither, the career we don’t actively advance becomes stagnant, the intellect we don’t feed will lose it’s sharpness. Each day is an opportunity for greatness. Every day allows the chance to move backwards. The choice is ours.
3. Take moments to stop and admire your progress. All of us are a work in progress every day. We can stop our thinking of “I’ll be happy when I achieve this or that” and take time to look in the mirror and be proud of how far you’ve come. Of course, we do set goals and go forth to crush them but in the moment, after we have worked hard we will be able to begin to see the fruits of our labors. Enjoy each new bit of definition, celebrate when your body measurements change, and fall in love with the journey.
4. Weight lifting can become mentally soothing, yoga can become a daily necessity, and it’s okay to become addicted to achieving difficult things. When we learn to love the struggle, we become unstoppable. Fitness teaches us to embrace the suck and power through it. We recognize that the difficulty will give us what we want so we become less afraid of doing hard things and instead become excited about difficulty and challenge. That mindset can aid us in work and in life, and it can turn massive issues into an opportunity to see what you are made of. You become unstoppable.
5. I don’t like patience. I don’t like having to have it. But fitness teaches the purpose behind it and allows us to recognize that good things take time. You won’t see everything immediately but logic dictates that the changes you want are a certainty if you are faithful and continue consistently. There are small perks along the way – endorphins after a hard workout, a sense of accomplishment, better sleep – but the gains you set out to achieve take longer and you learn to be able to wait for what you want. It’s a dying art in this age of dizzying speed, and those who cultivate patience will ultimately be the ones with the edge over the competition in fitness, work, and virtually every other endeavor.
6. It’s okay to spoil yourself. This took me years to learn. It’s okay to buy yourself clothes that inspire you to hit your workouts, it’s okay to get a matching water bottle with a message on that moves you. It’s okay to take care of yourself and do the things that only benefit you. Especially for parents or other people who labor to serve others, this can be a difficult lesson to learn. But we only have one life to live and it is okay to spend some of that on a designer yoga mat.
7. Trust will get you through the moments where we can’t see the results. When you hire a good trainer, not everything may make sense but when we trust the journey and stay disciplined we can be assured we are moving toward the eventuality we want. Choose a guide you know you can trust, and take the leap (and innumerable steps on the treadmill) toward your goals.
8. “You’re no fun anymoooooooore!” Ignore the whining and complaining of people who wanted you to stay the same. I have had, and still do have, people telling me not to lift heavy, not to be disciplined with nutrition, not to set fitness goals. They will try to drag you down, try to tell you you’ve changed – even though a happy life is all about self improvement – try to make you feel foolish for working hard. Then someday they will ask how you did it. You will be doing photoshoots in naught but a bathing suit and a smile, and your confidence will radiate and light up the room. Then they will say “I always knew you could do it! I have always told you to make healthy choices!” Don’t even bother with the eye roll. By that time their words won’t have an effect on you anymore.
9. Backpacking off of number eight, hitting fitness goals and staying consistent will show you a shocking version of the people around you. You’ll find that other people aren’t as confident as you thought. When I first went from skinny fat to undeniably toned, the change in how people treated me blew me away. Others really do treat you differently when you’re in good shape. You don’t even have to say a word – you walk into a room and often you receive looks of admiration bordering on fear. Same you, same heart, soul, opinions. But the external view really will radically change your experience with the world around you. And in case you were wondering, that ripped body builder you see in the gym usually isn’t arrogant. He’s usually beating himself up about not having the perfect body (even though everyone else thinks he does – most people who are high athletic achievers are their own worst critics). People are just people, and we all have insecurities.
10. You are a fascinating human being. You just didn’t realize how interesting, dynamic, and individualized you are. You learn so much when you start exercising – suddenly the kind of arch in your foot matters, you learn on the yoga mat where in your body you store tension, you start to confront demons you never knew you had, and you find that what works for “everyone else” may not work for your unique body, and that’s okay. There is a whole universe inside of you just waiting to be discovered.

The most important thing perhaps, that faithfully hitting the gym for years taught me, is that we can be whatever we choose to be. We can choose to sit on the couch eating donuts or we can choose to push ourselves to be different. No one can choose that for us. No one can save us from our choices. And while our situations and health and abilities may be different, we still have our personal agency to be what we choose to be. Fitness forces us to stare at a very telling mirror, because we are left without excuses. When we let our bodies go, we may find ourselves looking at athletes with a feeling of disgust because surely all they care about is their looks. And because they are shredded they will probably treat us badly and look down their noses at us. We create that fiction in our heads because for the moment it’s easier than saying “I could go and improve myself but I don’t choose to do so.” When we improve our bodies we realize that the power to have more confidence and a better physique is a choice to get up every morning and live differently. Our excuses and bargaining falls to the wayside and we recognize that musculature cannot be bought or stolen or is only available to those other people. It comes from our decisions. And as it is in the gym, so it is in life. We make the choices we need to make and we build the life we want.