Life is about becoming stronger whether we like it or not. I don’t think I ever asked to become stronger, but today I am a business owner times three, a single mother of two children with no child support or co parenting, a fit model competitor, a volunteer in the local jail, and the list goes on. And none of this came easily.

Sometimes we find ourselves motivated to start a business, crush a gym goal, become better educated, turn over a new leaf. But motivation isn’t going to last and at some point we will come face to face with the gritty, uncomfortable process that is upleveling in life, and we will have to make the determination whether to crumble and quit or dig in and lift the impossible.

Becoming stronger, as any fitness enthusiast will tell you, is not so much a matter of one massive workout that will last for two weeks – that’s what we call an injury, and what we also call dumb – but rather consistency in little things every day. That is how muscles are built, that is how businesses take off, that is how we become more emotionally resilient people. It isn’t sexy but it’s the most effective path, and truly the only effective path. Nothing else will be continually sustaining.

Can I tell you a secret? From as far back as I can remember I have never had any interest whatsoever in becoming emotionally resilient. Not a desire of mine. Never penciled it into my proverbial DayTimer. It was an attribute I absolutely never wanted and my goal in life was to remain as I was and find myself emotionally understood, respected, cared for and nurtured. Life taught me that skill of resilience while I resisted kicking and screaming. Now it’s become second nature. I recall when a break up with a man of interest would shatter my mind, my soul and my world. Now when I find disappointment in a love interest, yes, it hurts, yes I’ll have nightmares, yes my soul will weep. But on the surface I maintain a calm exterior and inwardly as I process the pain I know in the back of my mind that I have done this before, that is going to make me more capable and wise and clearsighted, that this is not the end of life as I know it and that ultimately there is a purpose even though I may not be able to see it yet. It required having my heart mangled more times than I can count, but through that exercise of emotion, the muscle of self love and self preservation became stronger. Priorities became clearer. And as that happened, my determination to live a fabulous and fulfilling life grew exponentially until it consumed most of my attention on the daily.

I firmly believe that the experiences we have in this world happen for a reason. I do not believe in a randomized universe. God is a personal trainer who gives us heavier and heavier loads to squat because He knows we cannot become stronger without increased resistance. The art of becoming stronger lies in understanding that we can either rebel against personal improvement or we can be continually proactive, a little bit every day. It’s hard to stay on the cutting edge of your chosen professional field, but it’s eventually going to be much harder to be outpaced by competitors and lose clients, contracts and commissions. It is hard to hit the gym every day, but it’s harder to see yourself in the mirror knowing you are actively choosing poor health, a swollen waistline, and a lower overall quality of life. As they say, choose your hard. It isn’t always easy and it’s okay to acknowledge that you aren’t always motivated. That means you’re human. I often pray that if I am meant to be doing something like stay in the profession I’m in, that God teach me to love it. The art of becoming stronger lies in the choice to love what is difficult but worth the fight. The choice to continue in those hard things with the faith that it will pay off. The remembrance that if we do not improve daily we will surely fall into the abyss of weakness and failure. Choose the productive struggle and actively choose to love it.